Fireez (fireez) wrote in newkin,

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I posted this in my journal some time ago... thought I'd throw it on the market here ;) tell me what you think. This kind of thing ever happen to you? Was this a real shift, or just me being deranged?

It started out with just feeling a bit giddy. Too much energy, ants in your pants, the works. I was lying on the sofa (Olly was playing DAoC), looked at the moon, and then wham, it hit me. I really don't know how to describe it. Like... my skin was twitching, my nerves burning, and something was banging at my body from the inside. It all built up very quickly, and I've got to say this was the wildest energy I ever felt. It did feel a bit like really good sex... something burning away inside you... and I felt my wings come out, my arms and legs growing, becoming longer, thinner, my face changing. It was all on the astral, but still and all, when I got up to stumble to the bathroom, it felt like I really wasn't that in control of my body any longer. Like it should have been different, to fit the shape of my soul. And all this absolutely incredible energy coursing through my body, flowing out like nothing, like heat from a oven. I quickly put on some decent clothing and went out for a walk, because I couldn't stand it any more, not only being trapped inside this weird body, but also inside the walls of our appartment, and I wanted to get away from humans. And once I was out, I noticed that my senses, at least those of smell and hearing, were incredibly alert. As if I was connected to everything around me on a deeper level. And I felt unbelievably powerful, as if I could just go on and magick up a storm out of nothing. It felt good, and at the same time incredibly scary. My heart was racing like wild... it did get better, slowly, though, and once I sat down under a tree and dug my hands into the earth, it just sort of seeped out of me.
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Wow. That sounds SO neat! I've had several "smaller" events like that happen to me, just from being outside and looking up at the moon and the stars. When I was younger, I remember several times I just LOVED to be outside. The grass and the trees, and ESPECIALLY the sun made me feel so...insignificant, but at the same time like the most special person on Earth. It was like someone had layed the universe at my feet. I'm still searching for what I am, and I think these experiences from my youth were glimpses into my true self.
Like you, I have felt my body change. Last Halloween I was stuck at home alone, but I went outside and looked up at the moon. Something came over me and I felt myself change, although just slightly. I howled. What could I say?--It just came to me that that was the thing to do. Then my human mentality slipped back into place and I felt very foolish. I howled again, although more quietly, then kept getting louder again until it felt right again. Then I felt better after a while and went back inside like nothing had happened. So maybe I'm the crazy one here. =P